Tags
crucified, culture, eminem, feminism, feminist, feminists, love the way you lie, lyrics, misogynist, normalize, radio, rihanna, society, subconscious, violence, women
Eminem’s Love the Way You Lie has been playing on the radio every 10 or 15 minutes the past few weeks. I won’t deny that the guy’s got talent. The way the song toggles between Eminem and Rihanna makes a catchy tune. However, I find one portion of the song frightening. Here’s boiled down excerpt.
You ever love somebody so much you could barely breathe when you with ’em …. You swore you’d never hit ’em …. Now you’re in each other’s face spewing venom in your words when you spit ’em.
It seems to me that the underlying assumption here is that hitting women is inevitable. Eminem projects that romance follows a predictable cycle. Boy meets Girl. Boy falls in love with Girl. Boy feels different about Girl than any girl before. Boy decides not to make the same mistakes with Girl. Boy gets tired of Girl. Boy hits Girl. Girl leaves Boy. Repeat.
What is particularly disturbing about this excerpt is the way that Eminem discusses violence in a relationship: “[Have] you ever … ?” The rhetorical nature of this question conveys that this experience is common. It’s one that everyone can relate to. In fact, if you haven’t had this experience, there’s something wrong with you. You don’t quite fit within the norms of society. You can’t relate to Eminem’s experience, therefore you cannot relate to the rest of society. Eminem normalizes violence towards women.
Not only that, but the way he portrays the cycle of a romantic relationship makes violence seem inevitable. Not only is it normal to hit a woman, it’s ultimately inevitable. Guys (I hesitate to say men) are fated to hit women. If they can’t help it, they are off the hook for their actions.
Guys who commit violence towards women now have two excuses. It’s normal to hit a woman. Guys don’t have a choice in the matter.
Eminem normalizes violence towards women. This is no surprise. Anyone with minimal cursory knowledge of Eminem is aware of this. Many a good feminists have already crucified him (and rightfully so). My point is not to raise awareness that Eminem is a misogynist, but to sensitize our filters to the messages that we receive each day. Love the Way You Lie has an attractive, catchy sound which easily gets stuck in one’s head. Unfortunately, the lyrics that accompany it may also work their way into one’s subconscious.
Amanti 
Hmm. So I agree with what you say. However, I have some other thoughts on the song that may be somewhat in tension with what you say. I had never thought of it in that light, but I can see an underlying assumption of normality now that you bring it up… however, I think he also portrays well the cycle of domestic abuse, and I don’t think he is glorifying it. What is so emotionally captivating about the song is that we know, as the audience, that he and Rihanna have personal experience with this very subject… and both at very opposite ends of the relationship. They are singing what they know, and lamenting over that reality of their story. At least, that was my interpretation.
You’re right, at surface level, I’m nervous that the teens listening to it just because of the musical talent of the artists, might not understand the gravity and implications of what’s at stake. However, a deeper listen can still find value in the song.
I cannot speak for this particular song (I do not listen to the radio and I only buy albums when they have become cheap); however, my impressions of Eminem’s overall works are very different: He does not advocate violence against women, but uses music as his way of dealing with personal issues, including e.g. his very troubled relationship with his (ex-)wife, his very loving relationship with his daughter, his drug problems, and similar. What others may take to their secret diary or psychiatrist, he takes to his music studio.
While I do consider such public treatment unethical (because it exposes the private lives of others to public scrutiny), it is something very different from e.g. misogynism, homophobia, or whatever he currently stands accused of.
The incredible thing about this post is that I thought the exact same thing on my way into work this morning. I do agree that Eminem has talent though I don’t agree with most of the things he seems to stand for; though I think a lot of it is image based; but really don’t know enough about him to make an informed decision.
The line that took it over the edge for me was the part he talks about bringing her back and if she tries to get away again he’d tie her to the bed and burn the house down…
WOW, very powerful words!