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So, my family has been known to get carried away. On occasion we have been known to take something silly and run way to far with it. My sister recently discovered a list we made a few years ago while having lunch at our favorite Italian restaurant. We’d just gone to see one of those sub-par superhero movie. (It’s hard to remember which, because there are so many of them). Our conversation drifted from sub-par superhero movies to to sub-par superpowers. The resulting brainstorm session yeilded the following list of superheroes, villains, and a few that we’re really not sure about, all of whom are equipped with mysterious but rather lackluster special powers. While the moral character of your average superhero may range from transcendentally righteous to heinously evil, these not-so-super heroes range from slightly convenient to mildly annoying. Sure, Superman just stopped that missile from hitting a bus full of schoolchildren, but we can all agree that the Temprighture is the real hero of the day for reheating my latte.

Superheroes

  • Confettiman: Shoots confetti like Spiderman.
  • Genulaughman: Makes courtesy laughs sound sincere to the person telling a corny joke.
  • Temprighture: Dips his finger into a drink and makes the drink the perfect temperature to sip.
  • Radioman: Can tune the radio perfectly to the station for the clearest signal.

Supervillians

  • Tablerocker: Walks into a room, and one leg of every table and chair is slightly shorter than the other three, making it wobble.
  • Tiltawirl: Walks into museum, and makes all the paintings slightly crooked.
  • The Sneeze: When he looks at you, you sneeze every time you say the word “the.”
  • Snortman: When he tells a joke, everyone who laughs, inadvertently snorts.
  • Awkward Introduction man: Can’t decide whether to handshake or hug.

Not quite sure

  • Caralarmer: Sets of the alarm of every vehicle he walks past.
  • Rhymeman: Everyone in the room speaks in rhymes.
  • Popeye: In his presence, a faint “pop” noise can be heard any time anyone blinks.
  • Gollyman: Every time he points at you, you say, “Golly!”
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