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A friend of mine posted an article on Facebook about how a conservative group is rewriting the Bible to better fit their conservative perspective.

Candidates for deletion include such passages like, “Father forgive them,” “Turn the other cheek,” and “Love thy neighbor.” Usage of commie words like “comrade,” “labor” and “fellow” will be greatly reduced in this new version. Words like, “peace” and “word” will be updated in favor of words with stronger connotations of power. Finally, parables which endorse a free market economy will be embellished and emphasized.

Furthermore, their logo. I rest my case.

From their website: “The ensuing debate would flesh out–and stop–the infiltration of churches by liberals pretending to be Christian.”

I’ll be honest. I’ve infiltrated a number of churches in my day. The ol’ wolf in sheep’s clothing thing… works every time. I walk in the door, giving homage to the almighty white, blue-eyed, blond-haired, American, capitalist Jesus and talking about how he saved me from the horrible fires of Hell. Soon enough I have gained everyone’s trust and can begin infecting them with evil, of-the-devil, abhorred principles like: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness and Self-control. Pretty soon, they’ve all been infected by my venom. They no longer solely pursue their own selfish good at the costs of others; they start thinking about their neighbors and how to be kind and considerate. Oh, it works so devilishly well. I make Satan proud.

Essentially, this project is an exercise in self-idolatry. Those working on the project are rewriting the Bible with themselves as the main character. They are God. They are Jesus. They are the Holy Spirit. The god of the bible they produce will be themselves, as every line of scripture will reinforce their own personal biases. They are making themselves into a golden calf, that their singular worldview will become the authoritative truth. This bible is not their source of truth. They are the source of truth for this bible.

Well, if they are going to rewrite the Bible, I feel obligated to respond. I’m officially writing my own Bible. I’m changing the part where Jesus said, “Love your enemies” to read, “Love your enemies.” The passage that reads, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” will now read, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The part that goes, “Do good to those who hurt you,” will be updated to, “Do good to those who hurt you.”

Edgy. I know. Thank goodness he didn’t actually say that stuff. Otherwise, I’d be obligated to give a damn about anyone besides myself.

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