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“Hook! Hook! Give us the Hook! Hook! Hook! Give us the Hook!” the pirates in my head kept chanting. I spent all morning in Neverland with Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman.

By “Neverland,” I of course am referring to the dentist.

Now, nobody with half a brain would ever stick a sharp, pointy object in their mouth. No sane person uses katanas for toothpicks. You don’t use a steak knife as a tooth brush. So I never understood why the first thing that dentists do is grab a gaffing hook and start clawing around your mouth with it. I tried to stay focused on finding my happy thought, but the incessant picking that echoed around my skull too closely resembled the piratical chanting of Captain James T. Cook’s minions.

One final thought. Exactly what kind of fairy was Tinkerbell? I firmly believe she is a tooth fairy. And what do you suppose her “pixie dust” is made of? Those chunks of teeth that go flying from the drill.

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