Jesus is Coming! Look busy.
The Bible tells us that the rapture will occur at noon on Saturday in Anderson, Ind.
“For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God.” I Thes. 4:16
At this time, God will gather the Chosen Ones up to heaven, leaving the everyone else to wallow in loss and desolation. When you hear the shout and the trumpet, beware: The Rapture is here!
Do not be mislead: When you hear the trumpet sound at noon on Saturday, the Chosen Ones will disappear from the face of the earth. False prophets may try to convince you that what you are hearing is not the trumpet of God, but rather a test of the local tornado siren. Do not believe these heretics! They are godless doubters who refuse to believe the scientific facts about the rapture. The Chosen Ones disappear from the earth, never to be seen again. There is no other possible scientific explanation, other than that they are swept up to heaven.
If you are not fortunate enough to be one of the chosen ones, it is not to late to start preparing for the Great Tribulation. Like all previous raptures, the Chosen Ones will likely include various household and personal items. In order to survive in this God-forsaken, post-Rapture world, we highly suggest creating a Tribulation Survival Kit of items which are frequently counted among the Chosen Ones:
- Mismatched socks
- An extra set of car and house keys
- Assorted pen caps
- Loose change
- Chapstick
- A list of everyone’s phone number
If you notice any of these items missing in the days following, do not be alarmed. They were counted among the Chosen Ones and swept up to heaven. Be grateful on their behalf. In the meantime, use your Tribulation Survival Kit to supplement their loss until you have time to run to the store and replace them.
To get more cold, hard facts about the Rapture, read these extremely intellectual and scientific articles written by well-respected scholars and theologians with degrees from prestigious institutions.
If my incredibly insightful, informative essay has not convinced you of the urgency of the rapture, just stare at this image for a couple hours until you believe everything I say:
I believe! Ahhh crap, it’s already 2:39, guess I missed it. But read this incredibly interesting article on intellectual viruses!
http://www.raptureready.com/rr-iv.html
Hi.
I found your Web Site by Google
And I wish you the best you can get,
the peace of God through Jesus Christ.
Welcome to visit my Site.
Allan Svensson, Sweden
Why does the revival tarry? It is because God’s
people tarry to obey the powerful command of
the Lord in Rev. 18:4. This is the most powerful
revival message of the Lord to his people in our time.
http://www.algonet.se/~allan-sv/INDEX.HTM
As in the days of Lot, it is now. Lot was not interested
to leave Sodom. God sent two angels to rescue him,
and they must persuade him to leave Sodom. When
he yet lingered, one of the angels said to him:
“Flee for your life sake …”
Just like as Lot, God’s people are not interested to
leave the great Babylon, but finally they must flee
for their life from there.
http://www.algonet.se/~allan-sv/PAGE88.HTM
God’s people are destroyed for lack of knowledge
because their preachers have rejected knowledge.
Hosea 4:6-11. Instead to preaching the truth of the
Assembly of God, they have preached lies about the
Assembly of God. The Pentecostalists have abused
the expression “Assembly of God” and used it as a
name of their church.
Evil spirits in the churches
http://www.algonet.se/~allan-sv/SPIRITS.HTM
What does hinder the Antichrist to appear?
What is the Restrainer?
http://www.algonet.se/~allan-sv/MESSAGE.HTM#Antichrist
Why did the Pentecostal Revival take an end?
http://www.algonet.se/~allan-sv/CRISIS.HTM
The coming revival, a nameless revival
http://www.algonet.se/~allan-sv/POWERFUL.HTM
Yes, if you got bored of mindless drivel devoid of any academic, intellectual grounding at RaptureReady.com, then definitely check out Allan Svensson’s site. It’s chock full of imaginatively fabricated nonsense that has been passed down for centuries.
Oh my! It just gets better and better! Thinking Christians! What is the blogosphere coming to!
I know; what a shame! Is nothing sacred anymore?